The Bitter Glass
by MendaciousMinx
Summary: Raven finds Beast Boy's diary, and discovers that there's more to the green changeling than meets the eye. Does she like this new side of him? BBRae.


I wrote this on a whim, so... I don't know.

Disclaimer: I don't own the show Teen Titans of the poems The Two Trees and Morning Pool.

__

Gaze no more in the bitter glass  
The demons, with their subtle guile.  
Lift up before us when they pass,  
Or only gaze a little while;  
For there a fatal image grows  
That the stormy night receives,  
Roots half hidden under snows,  
Broken boughs and blackened leaves.  
For ill things turn to barrenness  
In the dim glass the demons hold,  
The glass of outer weariness,  
Made when God slept in times of old.  
There, through the broken branches, go  
The ravens of unresting thought;  
Flying, crying, to and fro,  
Cruel claw and hungry throat,  
Or else they stand and sniff the wind,  
And shake their ragged wings; alas!  
Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:  
Gaze no more in the bitter glass.

from The Two Trees, by William Yeats-

Raven sighed. Why couldn't she concentrate? She felt so distracted, but she didn't know why. Something kept leading her mind away, dragging her out of meditation. She punched one of her pillows in frustration.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! she hissed, shook her head fiercely, and sighed.

_Well, if I can't meditate, I guess I may as well go get some tea..._ But something drew her eyes. The mirror. She hadn't used it since Cyborg and Beast Boy had decided to take a stroll through her brain, being afraid of what she would find. _Maybe if I... Why not?  
_  
Raven lifted the heavy antique into her pale gray hands. Closing her eyes, she ordered her thoughts carefully into one question: _Why am I distracted?_ All of her being she focused on these words. She found the ball of black energy inside of her that she knew was her power, and mentally pulled out a string of it. She delicately crafted it so that it formed the words of her question, prodding it one way and tweaking it another, and then fed the string into the mirror. All this she did with her eyes closed, thinking only of the question.

She felt the mirror grow warm beneath her fingers, and a tingling sensation rushed through her. It was answering. She opened her eyes, and gazed into the dark glass.

An image began to form. At first it was blurry, naught but a strange shadow, but then the shadows clarified themselves, becoming sharper, more distinct. It took her a moment to process what she was seeing, but once she had, she dropped the mirror and backed away. The image remained, merciless, unfaltering. Staring up at her were a pair of deep forest green eyes, inside a handsom emerald face.

she muttered, continuing to stare at the mirror on her floor. Impossible... I don't believe you! she snarled at the mirror. The image swirled and became another face. Her own face. This Raven was clothed all in white, and wore an amused smirk.

Better start believing. Have I ever led you wrong?

Raven glowered. No, but there's always a first time.

The mirror Raven laughed. That's my girl. Ever mistrustful. But no lie; he's the one. Think about it for a minute. Are you sure about your dislike for him?Of course I'm-- but she stopped. Come to think of it, she had been acting strangely. A certain green teen had been catching her eye more and more. But it was impossible, wasn't it? And if it was true, it was entirely irrelevant. What's your point?

The image sighed, but looked up at her kindly, like an adult speaking to a particularly slow child. Raven, I'm your mind. I'm you, emotions attached. Trust me when I say that you should stop denying. Love may be a strong emotion to feel, but denial will make it worse. Much worse. Just look into it, okay? I promise you'll like what you find. With that, the image faded. The last thing to go were the somber pair of violet eyes, but in time they too vanished.

Raven stood there for another moment, trying to decide on the proper course of action. She could deny everything that her mirror had told her, and continue trying to escape distraction, or she could do as it had suggested and look into it. _It's entirely implausible,_ she thought, _There's no point in pursuing it further._ That decided, she marched out of the room.

When Raven arrived in the living room, Beast Boy was sitting at the table holding a pen with a small book open in front of him. she said monotonously. Where is everybody?

He looked up sharply, and quickly concealed whatever he was writing under the table. They went grocery shopping. We're totally out of food.

Raven raised one thin eyebrow. Really? And why aren't you with them?

Beast Boy blushed. Turning his gaze away, he mumbled something incoherent.

He looked back in her direction. Cyborg wouldn't let me go. He said I'd try to liberate the corned beef or something.

Raven's other eyebrow shot up as well. It was all she could to to restrain a laugh, though she did let a small smile escape. She vaguely heard something in the kitchen shatter.

Beast Boy scowled. I'm vegetarian, so sue me. Don't look so sympathetic. It's enough that you hate me, you could at least be pleased by my humiliation in private. He stood abruptly and transformed into a hawk. Giving Raven one last harsh raptor stare, he flapped his wings and vanished out an open window.

Raven frowned. What had gotten into him? Typically he would have laughed as well, but it seemed that he was in a bad mood. Shrugging, she walked into the kitchen and prepared a mug of herbal tea.

When she brought her tea back into the living room and set it down, she noticed something sitting on the seat where Beast Boy had been. He'd been in such a hurry that he'd forgotten his book.

Lifting the thing in her delicate fingers, Raven looked it over. It was small, about the size of her hand, and made of a green material. On the front was written A Hundred Great Jokes'.

She snorted. Just like him, to own something like this. She tossed it unceremoniously onto the table and it fell open. Reaching over to close it, she paused, and read two words.

_Dear Diary,_

Her eyes widened, and she grabbed the book, snapping it shut. Beast Boy's diary? Why on earth would he keep a diary? Surely one such as himself didn't need a place to write their deepest thoughts. Beast Boy didn't have deep thoughts. Beast Boy was... Beast Boy.

Probably writes about tofu and jokes,' she thought. She tussled with the idea of leaving it on the table, but curiosity eventually won over honor. Picking up her herbal tea, she carried beverage and book back to her room.

Raven closed the door securely behind her, and flipped on her light. Sitting down at her desk, she sipped the tea and opened the diary. On the first page were about ten cheesy jokes, all of which Beast Boy had told before. It almost looked like the first page of a joke book, but on closer inspection she realized that it had been printed out and glued to the first page of the diary. He'd really thought into this, she realized.

She flipped through six more pages of jokes, before finding the first entry. Settling back in her chair, she began to read.

_Dear Diary,_

I know this isn't really my style, keeping a diary and all, but I guess I'm desperate. I'm no good at keeping secrets, but some things are meant to be personal, and I know if I don't vent them somewhere I'll explode.

I've always been the clown. I do stupid stuff and hope to get a laugh out of everybody. I like seeing other people happy. It makes me feel better about myself, I guess. Like even if I'm not feeling so good, I can still give others happiness. I can still bring them joy.

But then there's her. The Dark One. My funniest antics? No reaction. My best jokes? Not a flinch. It's like she doesn't even hear me. I'd think as much, if it weren't for the fact that she occasionally takes the time to lash out with the stinging whip of her sarcasm. Ouch. Always leaves me nursing my wounds for a couple of days.

When she ignores me, I feel like breaking something. Like bursting out and screaming LOOK AT ME. I'M HERE. I EXIST. but I don't. I can't. If I did, she'd probably think me more of a fool than she already does, and I don't want that. I've tried being intelligent and serious around her, but that doesn't seem to work either. She just thinks I'm kidding around and rolls her eyes.

Well, Cyborg wants me to play this new racing game with him, so I've gotta go.

Sincerely,  
Gar

Gar? Who was Gar? Was this really Beast Boy's diary? Checking back over the text, she confirmed it. Yep. Had to be. No one else would write about joke telling that way. Gar had to be short for something. Garfield was the only name that made sense. Where had she seen that name before? Garfield... Garfield... Of course! It had been on the records she'd looked up once. It had been Beast Boy's name before he got his superpowers. Garfield Logan.

That mystery solved, she began to think about the other things he'd written. She was the Dark One, that was obvious. A lot of the things he'd written had surprised her though, and for a moment she felt guilty. She realized for the first time that he was the only Titan whose past she was entirely unaware of. Everyone else? She had their bios down pat. Their pasts were no secret. But Beast Boy? Nothing. She'd never been curious about it before. But now she was, she decided, and she'd find out. Turning the diary to the next page, she began to read.

She read late into the night, absorbing everything her eyes moved over. Filing all of the information away for later access. She found almost everything she read surprising, and had been able to discover who Beast Boy's parents were, and how he'd obtained his shape-shifting abilities. She heard the others come home, fix dinner, eat, and settle to watch a movie. Finally, she came to the last entry. The one he'd been writing when she'd come downstairs.

_Dear Diary,_

I don't know what's happening to me. Whenever she enters a room, I feel all jittery. Whenever she looks at me, I feel like I'm going to die of a heart attack. And God forbid she get close, or we touch on accident.

I feel like something is eating me alive, starting in my stomach and working its way into my heart and my brain. I don't know what to do. She's the forbidden fruit, the dark beauty, the untouchable black pearl.

And then there's me. The jester. The fool. I can't do anything right, and when I can it's something stupid. I'll never impress her, and if I do she won't let me know. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Like I have to choose between the Devil and the deep blue sea. But if she's the Devil, I know the path to take.

The Dark One. The Black Diamond. The Ice Demon. I've given her a hundred names, and I've given myself a hundred names. But no matter how hard I try, the titles always contradict each other. We're opposites, and it's tearing me apart.

I don't know what to do. Diary, I think I'm in love.

Raven froze. He... what? He's in... with... but... Her mind was a gyroscope of miscellaneous thoughts and ideas, ponderings and denials. She felt dizzy. Grabbing onto the edge of the desk, she stared at those words.

_Diary, I think I'm in love._

And deep in the recesses of her soul, she felt something stirring. Something waking up. An unrealized emotion. But her arguments would no longer cover the truth, and no matter how hard she tried to deny it, Raven knew. All it had taken were those words to shatter her reality and shove the truth into her face like an iron club.

Beast Boy wasn't the only one who was in love.

Flipping back through the diary, she found the entry that described his favorite hang-out. She was confident she could find it. A lake, it said. And told the direction too. She walked briskly to her window, and soared out.

Currently, the object of Raven's thoughts was perched in a tree next to a large, still lake. It was his favorite place. His special place. It was sunset, and the orange, red, purple, pink, and silver of the clouds reflected on the surface of the water. It was miles from Jump City and the Tower. Miles from crime. Miles from Her.

He was still in the form of a hawk, surveying his territory with glistening golden eyes. He ruffled his feathers, and turned those stern orbs to the sky.

Raven. Raven Raven Raven. He thought the name over and over, connecting it with other words occasionally, but usually just letting if float to and fro in his mind. How could he have been such a fool? He fell in love with a girl who could feel no emotions. The irony would have been funny, had it been happening to someone else. But it wasn't. It was happening to him. And he hated it.

He let out a shrill screech of frustration, and soared from his branch. He used the warm air rising from the ground to carry him hundreds of feet above the forest, then flew out over the water. No thermals rose from there, so he had to work harder now. He flapped and flapped, until he reached the center of the lake. Then Beast Boy relaxed.

The bird plummeted through the air, dropping limply toward the sparkling depths below. Then he began to change. His body grew larger, sleeker. His hawk feet retracted back into his body with a slurping sound, and his beak elongated, becoming rounder. A dorsal fin emerged from his back, and teeth grew in his mouth. His eyes got bigger, and his nostrils traveled to the top of his head. There was a crunch as his ribs rearranged themselves and his organs adjusted to his new shape. All of this took place in just a few seconds, but was excruciatingly painful, and he did his best not to scream. It always hurt like this. Finally, a fully grown bottle nosed dolphin hit the water nose first, hardly making a ripple.

Once he was in the lake, he swam like mad. He darted round in circles, up and down, trying to move fast enough to leave all his thoughts in his trail. He dove deep into the lake, until he touched the bottom with his nose. Turning abruptly, he shot straight up. Faster and faster, water rushing by him. He was caught in the thrill of the dolphin, in the animal's joy and exhilaration. He was flying, but not in the sky. He was the king of the depths, and he was having _FUN!_

He could see the surface of the lake now, a shimmering barrier between water and air. He burst through it, and shot like a bullet out of the shimmering lake. Ten feet, twenty feet, thirty. When he felt himself slowing, he changed again. He became a huge golden eagle. Flapping his wings to keep the momentum, he rose higher, before becoming a dolphin once again, and plummeting back.

The pain of changing was worth this rush. He continued for hours and hours, until the lake reflected the stars instead of the sunset. He didn't notice a girl cloaked in blue watching from the shadow of the trees.

_All night the pool held mysteries,  
Vague depths of night that lay in dream,  
Where phantoms of the pale-white stars  
Wandered, with darkness-tangled gleam._

from The Morning Pool, by Clark Ashton Smith

Raven was confused by Beast Boy's actions. He was shifting his shape from dolphin to eagle, back and forth, swimming and flying alternately. He looked frustrated, perplexed, angry. Was this how he vented?

She watched him for a while, then heaved a sigh. She had to do this now, or she never would.

Rising from the trees, she floated out over the lake. It was still for the moment, Beast Boy currently being in the form of a dolphin under its surface. She marveled at the way the stars were reflected in its depths, hiding just as many mysteries as what they mirrored. The surface was black, each shimmering star on its surface like a floating diamond flower. And then the serenity of the lake was broken. An emerald dolphin burst through the glassy water, droplets clinging to its hide, like some vague apparition of dreams, spiraling through the air.

Raven could tell he noticed her. Recognition flashed through his eyes, and he changed quickly, mixing two forms. He was now his normal self, presumably so he could use his mouth. But from his back protruded two great feathered wings. She watched as he flapped the twin appendages to keep airborne.

Is there any bird large enough for wings like that? she asked, examining them.

he said quietly. I used the bone structure of my pterodactyl wings, and the feathers of my eagle wings. I like the bird wings better, but they wouldn't support my body at normal size. So I compromised.

Raven smiled. He looked like an angel. An odd angel, and green to boot, but an angel nonetheless.

Beast Boy was watching her suspiciously. Was she laughing at him? But no, she looked almost... charmed. Like she was thinking about something nice.

Beast Boy, I have something to tell you... Now she was blushing. He was confused. Dreaming one minute, embarrassed the next? What was with this girl? But she was drifting closer. He realized subconsciously that they had risen a long way above the lake, and also that he didn't care.

Beast Boy, I... I think I love you. She looked down, preferring to watch their moon shadows on the lake than look at his face.

He was shocked, to say the least. It took him a moment to realize what it was she'd said, but once he had, he grinned. One flap of his great wings and he was right in front of her, their faces inches apart. I love you too, Raven. he whispered. Then he kissed her.

Raven had never been kissed. Not once in her life. Even her mother had never kissed her goodnight or anything. And now here she was, being kissed by Beast Boy. It took her only an instant to respond, moving her lips against his slowly, savoring it.

So there they were. An angel and a demon, hovering a mile above the world, holding each other tightly, as though they'd never let go. And for an instant, the world seemed to smile down on the two.

They broke apart, and Raven thought she would faint. Beast Boy was ecstatic. He tumbled backwards, the air rushing against his face, grinning wildly. The kiss had been intoxicating. he shouted, doing a loop-de-loop, flipping about in mid-air. He shot downward, to where the water mirrored the sky, and ran his fingers along the surface, leaving a trail of glistening sparkles in his wake.

Finally, he rose back to Raven and blushed. Sorry, I--

But she cut him off. It's no problem, BB. Raven grinned, calling him by his nickname for the first time.

After a moment, Beast Boy realized something. Raven... why isn't anything blowing up?

She looked around, confused. He was right. She'd just experienced the most emotional moment of her life, and the world seemed to be in perfect harmony. Nothing bad had happened. She shrugged, smiling once again. Some mysteries aren't meant to be solved.

Beast Boy agreed wholeheartedly. Wrapping her hand in his, he soared in the direction of the Tower.

They flew almost all the way back in companionable silence, before Raven finally spoke up. Beast Boy, I... You're going to be really mad, but...

He grinned. Nothing could make me mad right now, Rae. Not coming from you.

She winced, hoping he was right. I... I read your diary.

Surprise flashed across his face, and she waited nervously for him to shout at her, but he didn't. Instead, he grinned even more widely than before.

I don't know which is funnier, he said as they landed on the roof of Titan Tower. That you bothered, or that I'm glad you did.

Raven smiled, and for the first time that she could remember, she laughed at his joke.

I hope you enjoyed. Please review and tell me what you think! I love haring from you!


End file.
